Calma me

Calmate, Calmate, Be still and know that I am God.....

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10

Sometimes I get so caught up in me and lose sight of how it feels to be so caught up in him.  My heart and soul yearn  to be captivated by the Lord.

" Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord. " (Psalm 45:11)

  But yet so many days I don't see my beauty.  Here in Mexico my blonde hair and blue eyes stick out like a sore thumb in ways that, more often than not, are not welcome.  Yes, I can get cheaper vegetables at the market from the older men, the children point out my eyes and want to play with my hair. But I also get whistled at, offered money and looked at as though I were a lepor.
Some days I am welcomed and some days I am not.

But isn't that everywhere, even in our own culture.

I've already learned a lot from my Mexican brothers and sisters.  Valuable lessons on watching my actions. The smallest thing can happen and I will have offended someone - and be completely oblivious to it!  The expression on my face - often expressionlesss - can be taken offense by someone as well. I think that has been the hardest thing for me since I have been here.  In the past few years God has calmed my heart and my soul. I'm on a journey finding me. I know who I am. I'm confident in the Lord, and that is my strong hold.  But I am not confident in myself. Often reserved, quiet and emotionless.  I've built a shell around myself to try and protect myself from getting hurt - the problem is when that shell breaks - its going to hurt.

This person I have become - Is this who I want to be?

Sometimes panic rises inside of me because I am not content in who I am.
Calmate - Calm Down Hannah
Calmame - Lord Calm me

Maybe the Lord has brought me back into the wilderness with him (Hosea 2). This is a time of learning and learning is what I intend to do.  And all my fears I give to him.


Psalm 23

¹ The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want. ² He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
³ He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
⁶ Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.